Some psychologists suggest that one of the reasons people judge is because of envy. Well, I want to add “not liking the person” to that list. I think the reason someone chooses to judge you is because they don’t like you. Yes, it may be just plain old envy the reason why don’t like you. The bottom line is their judgment is expressed in the negative comments they make to sum you up. Those comments often come off like they think they are better than you.
Look at the contrary, how people make excuses for the people they do like. Think for a minute. When we like someone, we give them the benefit of the doubt, we try to identify with what they are feeling or going through, we put ourselves in their shoes and we think about their positives–what is good about them. If we are in the company of someone who says something negative about them, we try to dispel what is said and take up for them, pointing out all the good stuff. But, when we don’t like someone, all that ability to have empathy and understanding goes out of the window. I think you judge who you don’t like and make excuses for who you do like.
I have learned not to judge by taking an extra step. I don’t have to be accepting of the behavior or the person for what would do, yet I try not criticize them personally. I try to understand what drives them to be who they are or to make the choices that they make. In every instance possible, I try to identify (put myself in their shoes from their perspective) instead of comparing (judging) them from my perspective. I have learned that it is better to understand than to be understood.